Stairs' Way to Heaven

FLAWLESS VICTORY

2010-06-01T17:57:00.003-04:00

It's been a long time, and Mr. Stairs is no longer a Phillie or playing in the MLB. Tis a said state of affairs for the former King of Canada.

But in other news, ROY HALLADY THREW A PERFECT F'IN GAME!!!

Mets, L-O-L

2009-06-12T12:22:00.006-04:00

The Phightin' Phils are now up 4 games in the NL East thanks to a game tying RBI by Matt Stairs and a 3 run HR from RAUUUUUUUUUUL in the 2nd extra innings win in a row. Overall it was a great series with a great outcome.

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Suck it, Sean Green.

Returning to the scene of the crime.

2009-06-05T15:08:00.009-04:00

Game one verse the Dodgers went so well due to the amazingness that is Hollywood Hamels that Uncle Cholly didn't have to use his not-so-secret Dodger smasher, Matt Stairs, off the bench. However, with Shane Victorino playing day-to-day with a bruised hip, we may very well see Mateo take to right field with Jayson Werth playing center.

So let's all hope and pray to the baseball deities that lighting will strike twice and Mr. Escalera gets his chance to win another game for us with a moon shot homerun.

Once again, here is that infamous at bat:

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Long time no see.

2009-06-03T15:28:00.021-04:00

Sorry about the lack of posts guys. We here at Stairs' Way to Heaven have been rather busy with vacations, work, school, and more work. Excuses, excuses, I know.

Anyway, I'm sure most of you have seen the recent tallies of the AllStar Voting. Utley and Ibanez have their spots pretty much locked up while Rollins, Victorino, and Howard are on the cusp. Unfortunately Matt Stairs didn't even get a honorable mention. It's looking more and more likely that Mateo will not represent the NL in the outfield.

However, there may still be hope for the Canadian Wood to be represented in St. Louis... and that hope is the HOMERUN DERBY.

Check out our friends over at StairsForTheDerby and vote!

VOTE NOW: CLICK HERE

Lazyman weekend wrap up.

2009-05-26T12:50:00.012-04:00

Due to being on vacation the only Phils/Yanks baseball I witnessed was the Saturday night Brad Lidge meltdown. I did my best to drink that one away and I am still paying for it now.

Aside from that, I did hear that Mateo Escalera decided to change up his 'swing for the fences' motif and hit an infield single Friday night. I am currently scouring the internet for a video of this feat. If anyone finds it, hook a brother up. More on that as it develops.

Other than that here are my thoughts from yesterday:

Wes Helms, I hate you.
Shane Victorino, what the eff were you thinking?
T-Mac has some nice man-breasts.

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Fact of the Day

2009-05-22T16:20:00.028-04:00

Matt Stairs broke up the supercontinent of Pangea.

EQUALS

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Got a fact about Matt Stairs? Post it in the comments or e-mail it to CanadianWood12@gmail.com!

REAL Fact of the Day

2009-05-21T16:20:00.003-04:00

Matt Stairs was drafted as a pitcher/SHORTSTOP
by the Montreal Expos.
(I shit you not.)

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Got a fact about Matt Stairs? Post it in the comments or e-mail it to CanadianWood12@gmail.com!

Fact of the Day

2009-05-20T16:20:00.001-04:00

Matt Stairs started the Big Bang.

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Got a fact about Matt Stairs? Post it in the comments or e-mail it to CanadianWood12@gmail.com!

Fact of the Day

2009-05-19T16:20:00.007-04:00

Matt Stairs is the God of Thunder.

(click picture for more fun)

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Got a fact about Matt Stairs? Post it in the comments or e-mail it to CanadianWood12@gmail.com!

Latest Poll Results

2009-05-19T13:41:00.016-04:00

So the votes are in and... it's a tie? What the f*** is this?! These kind of things can't end in a stalemate. As of now "get your ass hammered" and "drink a gallon of Canadian Club whiskey" are tied with 8 votes a piece for what you would most like to do with Matt Stairs. We have now updated the poll (right panel) to reflect these two options. There can only be one Highlander, so choose wisely.

Also, don't forget to vote Matt Stairs into the 2009 AllStar game!

VOTE NOW: CLICK HERE

Fact of the Day

2009-05-18T16:20:00.003-04:00

Matt Stairs will be your bodyguard.

(click picture for more fun)

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Got a fact about Matt Stairs? Post it in the comments or e-mail it to CanadianWood12@gmail.com!

Fact of the Day

2009-05-13T16:20:00.008-04:00

Matt Stairs is by far the best hitter the Phillies have on the bench.

Sorry no funny pics to go with this one, only straight SCIENCE.

VOTE NOW: CLICK HERE

Got a fact about Matt Stairs? Post it in the comments or e-mail it to CanadianWood12@gmail.com!

Fact of the Day

2009-05-12T16:20:00.003-04:00

Matt Stairs caught The Miracle of 4th and 26.

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Got a fact about Matt Stairs? Post it in the comments or e-mail it to CanadianWood12@gmail.com!

The Making of a Folk Hero

2009-05-12T11:04:00.018-04:00

John Finger over at CSNPhilly.com wrote a great article yesterday about the folklore legend that is Matt Stairs. As usual Mateo had some great quotable gems:

At 5-foot-9, the off-season high school hockey coach appears as if he could be playing beer league softball with Eagles fans. “Average Joe,” Stairs calls it.

“Let’s face it, I’m not 6-foot-2 and trim. I’m 5-foot-9 and 2-I-really-don’t-care – I still keep myself in good shape,” he said of his physique. “I don’t want to give the fans an excuse not to like me, but I guess when I hit a big home run they say, ‘Hey, that guy is just like us.’”

and

“I always say I take one swing for the fans and the rest for my teammates.”

You can check out the whole article right here.

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Fact of the Day

2009-05-11T16:20:00.006-04:00

Matt Stairs poops igloos.

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Got a fact about Matt Stairs? Post it in the comments or e-mail it to CanadianWood12@gmail.com!

Matt Stairs hits on your Mom... 's Day that is.

2009-05-11T12:25:00.018-04:00

It was a rough weekend for those Phightin' Phils after a great outing by Mr. Hollywood Hamels on Friday night. The only good thing that came after the 10-6 win was Mateo contributing the best he could by going 2 for 2 with an RBI double to take the lead on Sunday. Unlucky for us, Jack Taschner was brought in to hold down the fort and he let it collapse worse than the Cowboys' practice facility (when does JC come back again?). Although Matt did a decent job relieving Jayson Werth for the day he couldn't carry the team all by himself. It would have been nice for the top of the line-up to set the table and contribute some base runners... *cough* Jimmy Rollins *cough*

VOTE NOW: CLICK HERE

Fact of the Day

2009-05-08T16:20:00.002-04:00

Matt Stairs doesn't take steroids.
Steroids take Matt Stairs.

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Got a fact about Matt Stairs? Post it in the comments or e-mail it to CanadianWood12@gmail.com!

Quotable Stairs

2009-05-08T14:59:00.016-04:00

Everyone and their grandmother are weighing in on the whole Man-Ram (Manny Ramirez if you're not into the whole brevity thing) steroid extravaganza. Did he really do it? Will he make the Hall of Fame? Are those braids really extensions? Who cares.

One person that does matter shared his thoughts on the topic. That person is none other than the great Matt Stairs:

"If you know the stuff isn’t on the list, why take it? I know I’m not very smart, but I know I can figure that one out. There are a bunch of guys who are going to have to stop taking all this health shit and go back to being chubby and having fun.

I think now there are guys who are taking MLB approved supplements and sticking with it,” Stairs said. “But I’ve never even used that stuff and never will unless someone puts it in my drink by mistake."

Amen Mateo, A-MEN. *flexes beer gut*

Also, I would like to point out that the stuff Manny tested postive for was HCG which comes from pregnant women's pee. Pour that on your Cheerios and eat it.

Thanks to our friend Amanda at Swing and a Long Drive for the tip.

VOTE NOW: CLICK HERE

Fact of the Day

2009-05-07T16:20:00.005-04:00

Matt Stairs is what's nailin' Palin.
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Got a fact about Matt Stairs? Post it in the comments or e-mail it to CanadianWood12@gmail.com!

K-Rod's Delivery

2009-05-07T13:40:00.008-04:00

Can be summed up in one picture:

His delivery is busier than Michael Jackson's hands at a Jonas Brothers concert.

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Fact of the Day

2009-05-06T16:20:00.004-04:00

Matt Stairs can smoke his own weight in meth and then sleep for 4 days straight.

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Got a fact about Matt Stairs? Post it in the comments or e-mail it to CanadianWood12@gmail.com!

The magic of the Canadian Wood

2009-05-06T13:15:00.013-04:00

Yesterday Shane Victorino went 4 for 5 with a homer, a double, and 3 RBIs, he was just a triple shy of going the cycle. Now Shane has been off to a very good start here in '09, but it turns out that there was a little more going on than just Vic starting off hot..... HE WAS USING MATT STAIRS' BAT. Take a look at the screen shot below to see what we're talking about:

There you can see #12 clearly written for the man himself, Mateo Escalera. Thanks to our friends over at theFightins.com for the tip!

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This is what happens when you catch a scorcher off the bat of Matt Stairs:

2009-05-06T11:37:00.009-04:00

As Chris Wheeler put it last night, "[Thurston] didn't catch the ball, the ball caught him."

VOTE NOW: CLICK HERE

The Legend of Mateo Escalera Clause (that's Matt Stairs Clause for those of you who no habla espanol)

2009-05-05T14:30:00.028-04:00

Did you know Matt Stairs is a not just a star in the United States and Canada, but his fame extends over the entire North American continent? Here's a gem from SI.com chronicling the adventures of Matt Stairs south of the border during his winters playing in Navojoa, Mexico. While the "goateed and neckless Canuck" was initially regarded with skepticism and even contempt, he grew to become a legend among the natives that Santa Clause wishes he could live up to.

"He's part of us," says Navojoa mayor Carlos Quiroz. "When Matt is hitting well, the people are happy. When he's not, the people are sad." Victor Cuevas, Los Mayos' principal owner, says, "People love Matt Stairs." And he's right. They love Stairs because he wins batting titles and hits long home runs over the Tecate beer sign in right-centerfield. They love him because he'll play any position at any time. They love him because even though he makes his living as a leftfielder and cleanup hitter in the major leagues, he comes to play in a rickety-bus league. They love him for his jovial unshaven face and his big belly and the way, between spits of chewing tobacco, he takes hard puffs off his cigarettes like a hard-boiled Navojoan."

Funny, that's exactly why I love Matt Stairs. The article goes on to talk about how Matt Stairs dominated this Mexican League for a few years by leading the league in average, RBIs and homeruns, playing every position (except catcher) and even taking on a manager/player role to lead the team into the playoffs. He was eventually offered a 10% ownership of the team as a thank you. Unfortunately, not everyone was aware of Matt Stairs star status in the small Mexican town. Kevin Millar, now a major league vetern, enters the hall of shame by not knowing who Matt Stairs was. Said Millar,

"I'd never met Matt," says Millar. "He was supposed to hit fourth that day, but it was 20 minutes before the game and he hadn't shown up. It got to be 10 minutes before game time, then five, and still no Matt. Finally, when the umpires were meeting at home plate, this guy walked into the dugout wearing jeans and boots and smoking a cigarette. He just pulled on his uniform, went up there and yanked a home run. I was like, Who the f—is this guy?"

The town mayor, Carlos Quiroz, also decided to add another fact to the Stairs Fact Vault: "Whenever I meet kids, I ask them what they want to do when they get older," says Quiroz. "Many say, 'Be Matt Stairs.' " If only all children across the world had such glorious ambitions.
VOTE NOW: CLICK HERE

New Poll

2009-05-05T13:16:00.010-04:00

Check it out on the right column and cast your vote.
But most importantly, don't forget to vote
Matt Stairs into the 2009 All-Star game!

VOTE NOW: CLICK HERE

Fact of the Day

2009-05-04T16:20:00.009-04:00

When Helen Keller was born she could see and hear perfectly till the day she was blindsided by a fungo bat foul ball during Matt Stairs' batting practice.

VOTE NOW: CLICK HERE

Got a fact about Matt Stairs? Post it in the comments or e-mail it to CanadianWood12@gmail.com!

Random Thoughts with Canadian Q. Woodley

2009-05-04T12:13:00.014-04:00

Why did Uncle Cholly put right-hander Miguel Cairo in as a pinch hitter on Friday? Not only is he hitting .000, but Mets pitcher JJ Putz is also righty and Matt Stairs (a lefty) was still available. Did Cairo have amazing numbers against Putz from his years in the AL that I don't know about? Why is Cairo still on the bench at this point? I don't get it.

If anyone has a clue to any of these questions, please fill me in.

VOTE NOW: CLICK HERE

Fear the Wood

2009-05-04T11:09:00.009-04:00

Looks like another pitcher succumbed to the fear of the Canadian Wood. This time it was none other that the Mets' Sean Green (pictured left). Scared that putting one pitch anywhere near the plate would result in a bottom of the 10th walk off moon-shot homerun, he instead hit Matt Stairs with the first pitch.

Ultimately Green loaded the bases and walked in the winning run in true late September Mets form.

Overall it was a great game that included the ejecting of some Metro scum that yours truly was there to witness first hand. More on that over at theFightins.com.

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Partners in Crime

2009-05-01T16:38:00.010-04:00

Our friends over at PhoulBallz had a great question: What would happen if Wolverine and Matt Stairs duked it out? They had some of their colleagues/readers send in what they think would happen. Stairs' Way to Heaven was invited to participate, but we suck at checking our e-mail and missed out on that golden opportunity.
One of our favorite outcomes is below.

"(The fight) would rage on for hours, as both men are indestructible forces. Eventually, both tired and worn-out, they would return to their Canadian roots, share a Labatt Blue, and egg David Wright's house."

Click here for the whole post.

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Fact of the Day

2009-05-01T16:20:00.003-04:00

Matt Stairs impregnated the Octomom.

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Got a fact about Matt Stairs? Post it in the comments or e-mail it to CanadianWood12@gmail.com!

The votes are in.

2009-05-01T14:39:00.014-04:00

Thank you to everyone that participated in our first poll! 76% of you (33 out of 43) agree that Matt Stairs is not only the greatest Canadian MLB player, but he is also the greatest Canadian ever. You guys read our mind.

New poll up shortly, stay tuned.

VOTE NOW: CLICK HERE

Fact of the Day

2009-04-30T16:20:00.012-04:00

Matt Stairs has been selected as the number 1 overall pick in the NFL Draft for 20 consecutive years.

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Got a fact about Matt Stairs? Post it in the comments or e-mail it to CanadianWood12@gmail.com!

Partners in Crime

2009-04-30T11:10:00.010-04:00

Our friends Matt and Corey over at the Matt Stairs is God Facebook group have been carrying the torch of Mr. Stairs for quite some time now. They were even lucky enough to get some of their "facts" shared with Matt Stairs via Michael Barkann at Comcast Sportsnet.

Check out the video:

If you're a member of Facebook, don't forget to join their group as well as ours.

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Fact of the Day

2009-04-29T16:20:00.006-04:00

Canada's missile defense system consists of Matt Stairs, a fungo bat, and about 100 baseballs.

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Got a fact about Matt Stairs? Post it in the comments or e-mail it to CanadianWood12@gmail.com!

Greatest Journeyman Ever.

2009-04-29T14:08:00.013-04:00

Here's another good article we found on the greatness that is Matt Stairs. It argues that he is the greatest journeyman slugger of all-time, and we couldn't agree more. Check it out here.

Sorry Steve Perry, this award goes to Mr. Stairs

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Fact of the Day

2009-04-28T16:20:00.015-04:00

During his rookie season with the Expos, Matt Stairs survived only on moose blood and raw smelt.

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Got a fact about Matt Stairs? Post it in the comments or e-mail it to CanadianWood12@gmail.com!

The only thing pitchers have to fear is............. Matt Stairs himself.

2009-04-28T10:20:00.024-04:00

This time the victim was Washington's Joel Hanrahan. After walking the bases loaded for one of the newest Phillies, Raul Ibanez, Hanrahan saw Mr. Stairs step out into the on deck circle. This shook Hanrahan, he knew he wouldn't want to face that .909 SLG with the bases loaded. The result of the looming Canadian lumber was another Grand Slam Homerun, this time courtesy of Ibanez.

Stairs: "Here Raul, you take the grand salami."
Ibanez: "Are you sure, Matt?"
Stairs: "Of course eh, I'm more of a Canadian bacon man."

VOTE NOW: CLICK HERE

Fact of the Day

2009-04-27T16:20:00.008-04:00

While playing for Toronto, the CN Tower was often confused for Matt Stairs' erection.
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Got a fact about Matt Stairs? Post it in the comments or e-mail it to CanadianWood12@gmail.com!

The Legend of Matt Stairs

2009-04-27T12:08:00.012-04:00

Here's a great article we stumbled on about the legend that is Matt Stairs. It was written by Lee Russakoff in December 2008 for Comcast.net sports section.

Check it out :
The Legend of Matt Stairs

VOTE NOW: CLICK HERE

Quotable Stairs

2009-04-27T10:49:00.018-04:00

As we all know, Matt is a man of many words (ie this gem). Recently the Inquirer caught up with him after breaking up the Brew Crew's Dave Bush's no-hitter. They asked him if he had ever broken up a no-no to which he replied,

"Yeah, in the first inning."

If Matt Stairs was any more of a man he would be made completely out of chest-hair and flannel.

VOTE NOW: CLICK HERE

Thanks to our friends at Long Drive for the tip.

All it takes is one.

2009-04-24T22:20:00.013-04:00

Once again Matt Stairs' Canadian wood drives in the first RBI of the game. Just one RBI from the man himself and it turns the whole game around.

Mr. Stairs got in Matt Lindstrom's head. After he let up that first RBI he just couldn't shake it. That's what made it possible for Shane Victorino to crush a grand slam to take the lead and ultimately, the win. Nothing like a 7 run 9th inning.

VOTE NOW: CLICK HERE

Fact of the Day

2009-04-24T16:20:00.009-04:00

Matt Stairs' veins are filled with Maple Syrup and Yukon Jack.

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Got a fact about Matt Stairs? Post it in the comments or e-mail it to CanadianWood12@gmail.com!

Matt Stairs is much smaller than you thought...

2009-04-24T15:04:00.009-04:00

Not sure who's in charge of keeping the stats up to date on baseball-reference.com, but they may want to look into updating some of their pages.

According to the site, Matt Stairs is 5'9'' and weighs 175 lbs. ESPN has him listed at about 50 lbs heavier.

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You knew we had to add it

2009-04-24T14:00:00.009-04:00

It just doesn't get better than that. Get the vote out!
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Working Class Man

2009-04-24T11:46:00.005-04:00

A Tribute to Matt Stairs:

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Moon Stuck Moon Shot

2009-04-24T11:13:00.016-04:00

The infamous 2 run HR that blasted the Phillies past the Dodgers in Game 4 of the 2008 NLCS.

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Harry "The K's" Last OUTTA HEERE!

2009-04-24T09:36:00.008-04:00

Brought to you by Matt Stairs:

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BREAKING NEWS (UPDATED)

2009-04-23T15:36:00.005-04:00

The King of Canada just ended a no hitter being tossed by Milwaukee's Dave Bush by crushing a solo shot homerun to right field.

Will this turn the game around for those Fightin' Phils? Let's hope so.

**Looks like it didn't turn the tide the way we had hoped. The man did his job the best he could, but in the end it wasn't enough. Don't forget to vote!**

VOTE NOW: CLICK HERE
(Picture borrowed from http://www.birdland.bigcartel.com/, click to purchase in t-shirt form!)

Welcome to Stairs' Way to Heaven

2009-04-23T12:49:00.001-04:00

Here at Stairs' Way to Heaven we are on a mission -- a mission from God. And that mission is to get the greatest Canadian baseball player to ever grace the city of Philadelphia, Matt Stairs, voted into the 2009 All-Star Game.

If you are a fan of the Phillies, a fan of middle aged sluggers, or just a fan of Canada in general, you should vote for Number 12. His 2 run shot heard 'round the world during Game 4 of the 2008 NLCS instantly earned him Hall of Fame status in Philadelphia sports folk lore, so let's repay him by sending him to St. Louis for that great Midsummer Classic.

VOTE NOW: CLICK HERE

(You will have to write him in)

Stairs' Way to Heaven

FLAWLESS VICTORY

Mets, L-O-L

Returning to the scene of the crime.

Long time no see.

Lazyman weekend wrap up.

Fact of the Day

REAL Fact of the Day

Fact of the Day

Fact of the Day

Latest Poll Results

Fact of the Day

Fact of the Day

Fact of the Day

The Making of a Folk Hero

Fact of the Day

Matt Stairs hits on your Mom... 's Day that is.

Fact of the Day

Quotable Stairs

Fact of the Day

K-Rod's Delivery

Fact of the Day

The magic of the Canadian Wood

This is what happens when you catch a scorcher off the bat of Matt Stairs:

The Legend of Mateo Escalera Clause (that's Matt Stairs Clause for those of you who no habla espanol)

New Poll

Fact of the Day

Random Thoughts with Canadian Q. Woodley

Fear the Wood

Partners in Crime

Fact of the Day

The votes are in.

Fact of the Day

Partners in Crime

Fact of the Day

Greatest Journeyman Ever.

Fact of the Day

The only thing pitchers have to fear is............. Matt Stairs himself.

Fact of the Day

The Legend of Matt Stairs

Quotable Stairs

All it takes is one.

Fact of the Day

Matt Stairs is much smaller than you thought...

You knew we had to add it

Working Class Man

Moon Stuck Moon Shot

Harry "The K's" Last OUTTA HEERE!

***BREAKING NEWS*** (UPDATED)

Welcome to Stairs' Way to Heaven

BREAKING NEWS (UPDATED)