FLAWLESS VICTORY

It's been a long time, and Mr. Stairs is no longer a Phillie or playing in the MLB. Tis a said state of affairs for the former King of Canada.

But in other news, ROY HALLADY THREW A PERFECT F'IN GAME!!!

Mets, L-O-L

The Phightin' Phils are now up 4 games in the NL East thanks to a game tying RBI by Matt Stairs and a 3 run HR from RAUUUUUUUUUUL in the 2nd extra innings win in a row. Overall it was a great series with a great outcome.

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Suck it, Sean Green.

Returning to the scene of the crime.

Game one verse the Dodgers went so well due to the amazingness that is Hollywood Hamels that Uncle Cholly didn't have to use his not-so-secret Dodger smasher, Matt Stairs, off the bench. However, with Shane Victorino playing day-to-day with a bruised hip, we may very well see Mateo take to right field with Jayson Werth playing center.

So let's all hope and pray to the baseball deities that lighting will strike twice and Mr. Escalera gets his chance to win another game for us with a moon shot homerun.

Once again, here is that infamous at bat:

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Long time no see.

Sorry about the lack of posts guys. We here at Stairs' Way to Heaven have been rather busy with vacations, work, school, and more work. Excuses, excuses, I know.

Anyway, I'm sure most of you have seen the recent tallies of the AllStar Voting. Utley and Ibanez have their spots pretty much locked up while Rollins, Victorino, and Howard are on the cusp. Unfortunately Matt Stairs didn't even get a honorable mention. It's looking more and more likely that Mateo will not represent the NL in the outfield.

However, there may still be hope for the Canadian Wood to be represented in St. Louis... and that hope is the HOMERUN DERBY.

Check out our friends over at StairsForTheDerby and vote!

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Lazyman weekend wrap up.

Due to being on vacation the only Phils/Yanks baseball I witnessed was the Saturday night Brad Lidge meltdown. I did my best to drink that one away and I am still paying for it now.

Aside from that, I did hear that Mateo Escalera decided to change up his 'swing for the fences' motif and hit an infield single Friday night. I am currently scouring the internet for a video of this feat. If anyone finds it, hook a brother up. More on that as it develops.

Other than that here are my thoughts from yesterday:

Wes Helms, I hate you.
Shane Victorino, what the eff were you thinking?
T-Mac has some nice man-breasts.

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Fact of the Day

Matt Stairs broke up the supercontinent of Pangea.

+

EQUALS

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REAL Fact of the Day

Matt Stairs was drafted as a pitcher/SHORTSTOP
by the Montreal Expos.
(I shit you not.)

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Fact of the Day

Matt Stairs started the Big Bang.

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Fact of the Day

Matt Stairs is the God of Thunder.

(click picture for more fun)

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Latest Poll Results

So the votes are in and... it's a tie? What the f*** is this?! These kind of things can't end in a stalemate. As of now "get your ass hammered" and "drink a gallon of Canadian Club whiskey" are tied with 8 votes a piece for what you would most like to do with Matt Stairs. We have now updated the poll (right panel) to reflect these two options. There can only be one Highlander, so choose wisely.

Also, don't forget to vote Matt Stairs into the 2009 AllStar game!

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Fact of the Day

Matt Stairs will be your bodyguard.

(click picture for more fun)

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Fact of the Day

Matt Stairs is by far the best hitter the Phillies have on the bench.

Sorry no funny pics to go with this one, only straight SCIENCE.

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Fact of the Day

Matt Stairs caught The Miracle of 4th and 26.

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The Making of a Folk Hero

John Finger over at CSNPhilly.com wrote a great article yesterday about the folklore legend that is Matt Stairs. As usual Mateo had some great quotable gems:

At 5-foot-9, the off-season high school hockey coach appears as if he could be playing beer league softball with Eagles fans. “Average Joe,” Stairs calls it.

“Let’s face it, I’m not 6-foot-2 and trim. I’m 5-foot-9 and 2-I-really-don’t-care – I still keep myself in good shape,” he said of his physique. “I don’t want to give the fans an excuse not to like me, but I guess when I hit a big home run they say, ‘Hey, that guy is just like us.’”

and

“I always say I take one swing for the fans and the rest for my teammates.”

You can check out the whole article right here.

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Fact of the Day

Matt Stairs poops igloos.

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Matt Stairs hits on your Mom... 's Day that is.

It was a rough weekend for those Phightin' Phils after a great outing by Mr. Hollywood Hamels on Friday night. The only good thing that came after the 10-6 win was Mateo contributing the best he could by going 2 for 2 with an RBI double to take the lead on Sunday. Unlucky for us, Jack Taschner was brought in to hold down the fort and he let it collapse worse than the Cowboys' practice facility (when does JC come back again?). Although Matt did a decent job relieving Jayson Werth for the day he couldn't carry the team all by himself. It would have been nice for the top of the line-up to set the table and contribute some base runners... *cough* Jimmy Rollins *cough*

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Fact of the Day

Matt Stairs doesn't take steroids.
Steroids take Matt Stairs.

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Quotable Stairs

Everyone and their grandmother are weighing in on the whole Man-Ram (Manny Ramirez if you're not into the whole brevity thing) steroid extravaganza. Did he really do it? Will he make the Hall of Fame? Are those braids really extensions? Who cares.

One person that does matter shared his thoughts on the topic. That person is none other than the great Matt Stairs:

"If you know the stuff isn’t on the list, why take it? I know I’m not very smart, but I know I can figure that one out. There are a bunch of guys who are going to have to stop taking all this health shit and go back to being chubby and having fun.

I think now there are guys who are taking MLB approved supplements and sticking with it,” Stairs said. “But I’ve never even used that stuff and never will unless someone puts it in my drink by mistake."

Amen Mateo, A-MEN. *flexes beer gut*

Also, I would like to point out that the stuff Manny tested postive for was HCG which comes from pregnant women's pee. Pour that on your Cheerios and eat it.

Thanks to our friend Amanda at Swing and a Long Drive for the tip.

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Fact of the Day

Matt Stairs is what's nailin' Palin.
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K-Rod's Delivery

Can be summed up in one picture:

His delivery is busier than Michael Jackson's hands at a Jonas Brothers concert.

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